


Algorithms

by BrittaR (Taaya)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M, Online Dating, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-04 20:30:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16353767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taaya/pseuds/BrittaR
Summary: After setting up an online dating profile for a friend, you're interested in evaluating the matching algorithm behind the online dating website. It turns out, you're not the only one who had that idea.





	1. Online

You sat in the mess hall, staring at the PADD, just like your colleagues from alpha shift in the xenobiology lab. You all were basically screaming at each other. Not because you were angry, but because you were all talking simultaneously and had too much fun with what you were doing. You were signing up your best friend and colleague Timothy for an online platform. It wasn't exactly a dating profile. The side also allowed just looking for friends or a space book club for ships that were within comm range.  
Still you had a lot of fun, advising poor Timothy on what to write.

"Eye colour?"

"Ocean blue, of course", Danielle, an Ensign said.

"Nah, that's rather ice blue, haven't you seen the way the light shimmers in them?", you answered. And that was, how the next discussion started and why they shoved Timothy in this and that direction to see the colour in different intensities of light. It was ridiculous, of course, but good fun. And more and more crewmates joined you. And the more people joined, the louder it got.

Nobody heard the catlike steps of the First Officer who came to see what his crew was doing here, until it was to late and he already looked over your shoulders.

„May I inquire the reason for your rather loud assembly?“, he asked, his tone neutral. If he was annoyed, or if the noise hurt his sensitive ears, he didn't let it show.

„We‘re just setting up a date profile for Timothy“, you answered. While you were as intimidated by Spock's rank as everyone else on the ship, you at least were not scared by his person in general. So you didn't mind openly telling him what was going on here. This was the mess hall after all. People were supposed to meet and have fun during breakfast, lunch or dinner. You didn't do anything illegal or immoral. He had no reason whatsoever to chastise you.

„Why would you do anything like that?“

„Well, we humans aren't exactly great in describing ourselves. If people write their own profile without any help they tend to either brag about themselves up to being downright arrogant or they are too modest and seem boring even if they aren't. So we try to help. Although maybe we make things a bit more complicated at times, too.“ You grinned. Next to you people were discussing hair colours now.

Spock arched a brow. „But what is the purpose of creating such a profile in the first place?“

You shrugged. „Differs, I‘d say. See, I made mine to find people on the Enterprise I could be friends with, when I first learned I was to serve here. It was still a month until I could be shipped here, so I thought I could already get to know a few people so that I would not be completely alone. It's also great to stay in contact with my mates from the Academy. But Timothy over here is to use the matching algorithm. We think it's time he finds a girl. Or boy, for that matter. So we don't have to watch all those old romantic movies with him all the time.“ You grinned. It wasn't as if you were forcing Timothy. You simply suggested and he agreed, but once he faced the real task he had asked for help.

„A matching algorithm?“

„See, you describe yourself and then write down what you are looking for. From look, over personality and common interests, even favorite books, to what kind of relationship you look for. Can be just friends, or a casual shag, or a real committed relationship. And based on that the algorithm shows you profiles of other users that fit what you look for and who also look for somebody who's like you.“

Spock nodded pensively. „Interesting. Has anyone ever evaluated the usefulness of such an algorithm?“

Again you shrugged. „Don't know, really. I have a few mates who found each other thanks to the website. But if that really uses an algorithm like it's claiming, and if that is scientifically proven to be useful? Can't tell.“

Spock didn't look like he was listening. In fact he even left the room without a single word. Rude, you thought. But then again you didn't really care. He did make a good point, though. Made you curious.

And so, once you were done with Timothy, you went to your quarters to examine your old profile. Back when you signed up you only filled half of the form as you had no intention of ever clicking the little box asking if you wanted to be matched. You had only searched for people you already knew and people on a very specific starship, so you never had any need for that option.

You stared at the form with a frown. This was a bad idea, wasn't it? Experimenting with the algorithm when you didn‘t mind the single life? If you really went through with it, you‘d be toying with the people you were matched with. But then again maybe you truly found the perfect partner, or a new good friend? You wouldn't mind that either. And you had nothing to lose.

So finally you gave in to yourself and filled out what was still missing in the form. You wrote about not being interested in casual sex or open relationships. You didn't mind people who liked something like that, but it wasn't your cup of tea.  
You wrote about rather searching for a common spirit and didn't care too much about sexual intimacy, hoping that would scare away the perverts.

Finally you clicked the small button you had ignored when you first signed up. 'Match me with suitable partners'.

It took a few minutes for the system to run the algorithm. Then a message popped up. 'There are 23 matching profiles'. You clicked on the link to see the ships they served on. One match on the Enterprise. Now you noticed your hand becoming sweaty. A few minutes ago you could have sworn that this was just a test for the algorithm. That you wouldn't mind if you didn't get a match. And that you kept your scholarly calm if you did. But here you were, anxious and curious at the same time, your finger hovering just above the screen, not knowing if you should click to see who on the Enterprise the algorithm would set you up with.

It was nothing more than an involuntary shiver down your spine that made you click it.

And then you burst out laughing. It was too absurd. The algorithm thought that Commander Spock would be a match made in heaven for you? While technically, from an Earth point of view each match upon starships, no matter how good or bad, was one made in heaven, you seriously doubted that this one would be a good idea.

Still you had planned to test the algorithm and Spock seemed to have had the same idea as well. So you both were doing the same. No harm in trying it further, right? You opened a chat window.

You: I see you try to evaluate the algorithm as well?

It took less than a minute for him to answer.

Spock: Indeed. Though as of now I am unconvinced.   
Spock: No offense.

You smiled. He had lived long enough among humans to give in to the social norm of apologizing for something that could be seen as hurtful? You hadn't expected that. 

You: None taken. I actually laughed when I saw you and me matched. No offense either. It just seems so strange.

Spock: While I agree, would you care to explain what exactly seems 'strange' to you? If we compare our first associations with the match, we might get a more detailed result in our evaluation.

You: So you want to continue? Good. I wanted to ask you the same thing. I mean since we're both here just for scientific reasons, there are no feelings that could get in the way and end up hurt, right?

Spock: Right

You: Okay, so ... I found it strange because, well, first of all you are my boss. While many people ignore it, there is still a saying that you should never ever start anything with your boss as that will end in drama. Either because colleagues think he'll favour you, or because when it ends, work will be a living hell.

Spock: While the latter would show that the boss is not a professional, I understand the point.

You: Good. And then ... Well, you are Vulcan. Obviously. Look, I don't want you to think I'm a xenophobe. I hope I am not. It's just ... Vulcans don't seem to be interested in romance, in a human way. Being friends? Yeah, sure. But lovers? It's not impossible, I guess you're the living proof yourself. But it still seems rather unlikely. And knowing myself, I am unsure that sticking to the Vulcan way of romance would be something I could live with, long term. I don't even know if there's a Vulcan way of romance. So there would have to be a compromise and that might end in both of us feeling like a fish out of water.

Spock: So you have thought about what being in a relationship with me would be like? 

You frowned. You had?

You: Not consciously, but ... It seems I have. I'm just not sure where that just came from.

Spock: Fascinating.

You: Haven't you? I mean, when my face popped up on your PADD?

Now Spock stayed silent for a while and you wondered if he had to go or if you said something wrong. Finally you saw the small symbol saying that he was typing.

Spock: It seems that I have. I assume that is a logical course of thought in events like these.

You let out a sigh. Yes, that was a good explanation. So it wasn't you being interested in how it would be with Spock. 

You: See? Anyway. Then there was the thought of ... well, you. Being interested. In anyone, actually, but me? It's just I don't see you ... like this. Again, no offense. I mean, I don't really know you. But what exactly could be interesting for you if you've never shown any interest in anybody else? So ... yeah, I guess that are my reasons to find it strange.

Spock: You think too poor of you. According to your profile, you show an interest in literature, music and as a xenobiologist you are a scientist, which means that we do have something in common. We share interests and professional curiosity.

You blushed. 

You: You read my profile?

Spock: You did not read mine? Those are necessary informations for our assessment of the algorithm.

You: Nope. I just texted you. I might have read up on you later once you agreed to go through with this. 

Spock: Logical. 

You: So, why did you find us being a perfect couple absurd? 

Spock: Because I would assume that I lack what a human needs to be ... happy. I am unsure if I can provide everything a human's psyche and body needs.

You: Oh Spock. That's kinda sad.   
You: Sorry, I meant Commander. I meant no disrespect. 

Spock: Given the nature of our correspondence, I do not mind speaking on less formal terms.

You: Right. I'm Y/N then.

Spock: Agreed. 

You: Anyway, I ... I wish you wouldn't think so bad of you.

Spock: You pointed out the differences between Vulcans and humans as well. 

You: Yes, but you make it sound as if it was your personal error. That YOU lack something. It's not your fault that our species have different cultures, different ways of approaching stuff. You are not in anyway lacking something or dysfunctional or less than a human.

Spock: Still I am Vulcan and therefore our differences might be too grave.

You: You're half human.

Spock: But I chose the Vulcan way. 

You: Yeah. I wasn't implying you should change. Unless you want to, of course. I was just pointing out that there has been a human that found a Vulcan partner to be a perfect provider for everything a human body and psyche need. Your mother. While I'm not sure if I could live that way, don't look for any error it what you are. Some humans wouldn't mind living that way.

Spock: Am I right to understand that you are trying to console me?

You: Maybe, yeah. Sorry. I just ... I don't want you to feel bad about yourself. I mean, again, I don't really know you. But the reason I find it hard to believe that we two could be lovers does NOT lie within you. And now gimme a sec, please. 

It was time to read his profile. You had to admit that his profile picture was rather handsome.  
He wrote about his interest in literature, music and science on all fields of research. And that he was looking for a mate that did not care too much about sexual intercourse. Only long term relationships. He did not smoke - which was logical. Even when the unhealthy effects of tobacco could be healed nowadays, it was just illegal on starships. He wrote he did drink, but only when it was necessary in social events. He didn't mind pets, you were astonished to read.

With a smile you clicked your way back to the chat. 

You: I can see why the algorithm thinks you're a good match.

Spock: Elaborate. 

You: We have a lot of similar answers. And ... well, I like tall, intelligent men. But may I ask you a question? 

Spock: Of course. It would be logical to be completely honest to each other and gather as much information as possible. 

You: You clicked looking for a human partner, while I didn't specify any species. If you think that your cultural background might be ... problematic for relationships with humans, why did you choose them? 

Spock: As of yet there are not many species serving aboard Federation starships. Had I chose not to specify either, Vulcans could have seen my profile, which could fall back to my parents. They already chose a mate for me that was unsuitable. Me searching this way, although just out of curiosity, might be a disgrace to them. Had I chose any other species, there would have not been a high enough number of candidates to come to a satisfactory result. Therefore I had to choose humans in order to both be able to do research and spare my parents.

You: You had a mate? 

Spock: Yes. And she rejected me. 

You: Gosh, I'm sorry.

Spock: Compassion is unnecessary as I never wished to be her mate either. Only out of necessity and social convention had I wanted to take her as my wife. 

You: Oh. Okay.

No, you would not ask what necessity could make somebody marry someone. You just had to swallow your curiosity. If he wanted to talk about it, he could have done so. And it was not a matter of evaluating the algorithm, right? 

You: So you never had any hope for actually finding a suitable partner during the evaluation? Not even the slightest? That's kinda sad.

Spock: Did you hope for a partner? 

You: I don't know. I don't need a man - or woman, or non-binary lifeform, for that matter - to be happy. Or at least not at this point in my life. Maybe when I'm old and feel lonely. But right now, I could live without anyone next to me in bed. Or asking how my day was. But ... I would not mind having a partner either. So, yeah, maybe there was a tiny hope that maybe this algorithm would find me somebody?

Spock: And it suggested me. I should apologize. Had I not tried to evaluate the algorithm myself, maybe you would have found somebody else?

You: Bullshit. I had a few other matches. You're just the only one on this ship.

You browsed through the other matches before going back to the chat. 

You: And the one with the highest percentage of matching answers. 95 percent. And the most handsome and before you say anything, YOU wanted honesty and as many informations as possible.

Spock: You are also aesthetically pleasing.

You: Thank you.

Spock: I am only stating facts. 

You: Anyway, you are the best match in this system. So if the algorithm is right, but you are not a good partner for me, then there is nobody for me in the system. And if the algorithm is wrong, then there is no harm in you signing up, because I could not have found anyone using this thing anyway.  
You: What about you. Any other matches? 

Spock: None.

You: Holy cow. In the whole system? Thousands of people and not even a match with 50 percent?

Spock: No. 

You: So, you know what this means? 

Spock: I do not. 

You: If we are going to evaluate the algorithm, either you would have to be an outside observer while I find a less perfect match, or the both of us have no other choice than to evaluate it with each other. We have to see if we're a perfect couple. Or we could forget about it and go on with our lives.

Spock: A sound analysis. Do you wish to forget about our evaluation?

You: Spock, I could go on without you - not that I would like to. The one to decide is you. Can you stand me enough to think about going on dates with me? Or kiss me?

Spock: I am NOT the one to decide as all of this needs your consent.

You: I just implied my consent. Otherwise I would not have asked.

Spock: Am I allowed to state some rules? 

You: Sure. As long as I am allowed the same?

Spock: I wish to be informed if there is a change in emotions on your side. If you were to fall in love with me, as humans put it, it is necessary to know. And I do not wish to be touched in public.

You: Touched in what way?

Spock: In any way. Vulcans try to avoid touch whenever unnecessary as our skin, especially on our hands, is too sensitive. It is considered intimate to touch and therefore one does so only in private.

You: So ... same as always while in public. I don't mind that. And being honest is no problem either.

Spock: State your rules. 

You: No sex. No pressuring me into any sexual behaviour.

Spock: I would never do anything like that. It would be detrimental to my career. 

You: I don't mean assaults. I know you wouldn't do that. I mean ... during intercourse humans produce a hormone that has a positive effect on relationships. It is said to make it more likely to fall in love with a person. Therefore it would actually be logical to have sex. To speed up the process of knowing if we are compatible. But ... call me old fashioned, but I do not like to sleep with anyone I'm not in a committed relationship with.

Spock: While being able to whenever they wish, Vulcans tend to have intercourse only to very specific times. While the details are somewhat private I can assure you that I would not wish to have sex with you either. Not even for enhancing our research.

You: Thank you.

Spock: Then it is agreed? We will court each other to see if we are compatible partners or if the algorithm is wrong?

You: Yep. I mean for a further analysis someday we‘ll need more data, more couples than just the two of us. But as a first experiment we‘ll be enough.

Spock: How do you propose we proceed?

You frowned. That was a very good question. You‘ve never been good at dating. You actually hated it to sit around in restaurants, all nervous and feeling unwell. And shore leave was too far away to wait for it. Especially since you could not picture Spock playing arcade games or going to a movie.

You: How about dinner in hydroponics? You‘re vegetarian, right? I‘ll cook.

Spock: That is agreeable.

You: Great. See you at 1900 then? 

Spock: Confirmed.

With that you switched off your PADD and made your way down to the galley. Few ever came here as the computer could provide them with some basic meals saved on microtapes. But you were happy the ship had it, anyway. It wasn’t like you were a good cook, but you didn’t exactly suck either. And right now you had enough time to start again if you actually screwed up.


	2. Hydroponics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to get to know each other isn't exactly easy.

You carried a metal basket on your way down to the hydroponics. Many had ogled it, but thankfully nobody had asked you what you planned.

You arrived early, but still Spock was already there. Now the thought of pursuing anything with him was rather intimidating. Sure, he still looked good, even more than on his pictures and you wondered, why you never had openly noticed it before. But still, this was the cold, logical Mr. Spock, your boss. Most people were rather frightened by him, though that seemed a rather exaggerated reaction as well. But trying if you could fall in love with him?

“You are early”, he stated, hands clenched behind his back.

“So are you. I just wanted to set up a picnic and be ready once you arrived.” 

“As this is no longer possible, let me assist you.”

Together you set up a beautiful picnic, blanket and all. Spock placed everything a little too structured, sorting the small dishes and bowls by their size, but you could live with that. The first compromise of the experiment. Order didn’t hurt, right? It was just not what you were used to.

The first few minutes of you sitting there eating still were dreadful. You both didn’t know what to talk about and while you tried not to look at Spock, be only had eyes for the plants around you anyways.

„This is silly“, you finally spoke. „If we‘re about to get to know each other, we might … I don’t know. Talk?“

Now Spock looked right at you, brown eyes under slender brows fixed on you. „I apologize. I have no experience in courting.“

„Have you never courted the girl you were supposed to marry?“ You were astonished.

„We were betrothed when we were children. It is the way of my people. But she was never interested in spending time with me. And courting is not part of our traditions. While some are not betrothed as children and others lose their mates throughout their lives, unbonded Vulcans still prefer to ask their elders to find them a suitable mate. And among Vulcans mental compatibility is more important than emotions. If we find somebody with common interests that could be an acceptable mate, we share a mind meld. If we still find a bonding agreeable afterwards and have a compatible mind, we simply propose a bonding to the other.“

„Sounds a bit strange to me, just from my human point of view. Does that mean that some mates don’t even like each other?“

Spock seemed to think about what to answer. „While we do not show any outward liking for a person, I would assume that our minds would repell minds that are not … likeable.“

„What about love? Can Vulcans love? I mean, like humans do?“

„We only suppress our emotions. That does not mean that we do not feel.“

Not a direct answer, but you understand nonetheless. While you knew that was kinda racist in a way, it made you feel a pity for Vulcans. Not because they chose to live based on logic instead of emotions. There were days when you wished you could as well. But because they still felt and you could not imagine how hard it was to maybe even love, but still ending up with a person that was simply compatible. You wished that they all would fall in love with this compatible mind. But the thought that some would fall in love with a different person, never being able to get close to said different person? Probably that was nonsense. You were just projecting you human understanding of relationships on a very different culture. And you knew it was wrong, even culturally insensitive. Yet you could not stop feeling sad. 

“Your mimics have changed. Did I say anything wrong?”, Spock asked. 

“No. … Sorry, just a human thing that doesn’t really make sense, I guess.” 

The only emotion one could truly read on Spock’s face was curiosity and you saw it in his eyes just now. But he seemed to accept your wish not to elaborate. You released a breath you had not noticed you held. Telling him of that particular thought just felt wrong. And you didn’t want to appear xenophobe yet again.

“Now that you know more about me than anyone outside the bridge alpha shift crew and the medical personnel, I would appreciate it, if I were allowed to get to know you as well. Apart from your ability to create satisfactory vegetarian dishes.” 

You had to laugh. “Sorry. It’s just … I’m not a good cook. Usually I don’t even like cooking. I mean, sometimes I crave simple pasta in a more al dente way than the computer can produce. Or some special dishes like chocolate fondue with fresh fruits. But usually I don’t like cooking or preparing meals. And I’m far from good at it. I just… wanted this to be as good as possible. To really … evaluate the algorithm? I still screwed up the first dish and had to try again. So I’m really not that good.” 

“Still you were willing to try instead of just using the replicators.” 

You blushed. “Yeah. It just felt right. Okay, so you wanna know about me. There isn’t really much to tell you, I’m afraid. I’ve never been married, never been close to marrying. When I was a kid, I liked to explore the wilderness around my town. I loved both the animals and the plants, so instead of specializing in xenozoology, I decided to stay in xenobiology in general, to be able to study both flora and fauna. I always was a little different and so other kids thought I was strange. I wasn’t really bullied, thankfully, but I tended to concentrate on my interest in biology. That’s why I’m lacking interesting stories in life apart from the missions on foreign planets. I never got drunk and naked at an Academy student party, I never helped getting the hovercar of the dean into the mars simulation lab in parts, piecing it together in the lab again, I didn’t do anything … childish. Sometimes I regret missing that part of life. But then again, maybe I would not be here now, if I wasted my time on being immature.” 

“May I ask if you have experiences in … romance?” 

“You know, there is a saying that you should not talk about your ex-lovers in front of a new one.” You smiled. “But as this is a rather special date and you told me about yours … I never really dated either. Two years of Academy I was with an Andorian classmate. But it just was a natural process of having similar interests, being lab partners, working on projects together, then discussing our research during lunch and dinner, going to the museum together just because we both wanted to go there and some day … just kissing because it felt natural. It was never a conscious decision to date. It wasn’t a decision to become lovers either. It just came inching in our lives and feelings. So I really don’t know anything about how people usually fall in love. Apart from research about it, of course.”

„We are in a similar situation then“, Spock stated and you could only nod.

„Kind of.“

„Why did your relationship end?“

„You know about Andorians? Weddings of four people? I don’t know if I could live in such a way if I liked the others. But the other two partners of my boyfriend were horrible people. So … I broke up with him. Them. Whatever.“

„It might be interesting to you, that the majority of Vulcans is monogamous.“

„Did you just try to flirt with me, stating why you’re a better partner for me?“, you asked with a smile.

Spock arched a brow. „That was not my intention, but I do not mind you understanding it as such.“

You laughed. Then you sobered. „I still miss him on some days. Not being in a relationship. Just him as a friend. Somebody to fight with, to discuss, to laugh with. I liked having somebody at my side who didn’t hold back his opinion, even when he disagreed with me, but who liked me even when we agreed to still disagree after an argument. I don’t need any man to hold me warm at night or to protect me. Or to give me a sense of completion. I just … need somebody who I can talk to, without being afraid to lose said somebody if I say something wrong.“

„You want to be accepted and heard. I assume that is natural to most species.“

„Even to Vulcans?“

Again Spock took a moment to think before he answered your question: „Some of my people master the old rite of Kolinahr. They purge their life from emotions and prefer a solitary existence. But I believe those of us who do not become Kolinahru still seek out acceptance. Otherwise I could not explain why they are determined to point out logical behavior of each other. Stating the obvious is usually frowned upon, but they do so if they find something logical. And they do so if they find some person‘s logic to be flawed. As there is no other explanation for the former, I have to assume that my people are not immune to the wish to accept and for it to be reciprocated.“

You smiled. So Vulcans weren’t so different from humans?

„Spock? I‘ve got another question. If you need a compatible mind, should you not … I mean, you should find out if I‘m compatible, right? Otherwise maybe you’re just wasting your time with me. Not that I think the time is wasted. I actually like talking to you. I … think I like you in general. But … You know, we‘re evaluating the algorithm, right?“

„While you are right, a mind meld is a very intimate experience. I could shield my thoughts from you, but I do not know if you are capable to shield thoughts and memories you do not wish for me to see. Therefore I took the liberty of delaying it until you either found myself unsuitable or were willing to share your mind with me.“

You blushed a darker shade than before. There were a lot of things you didn’t want anyone to know. Silly stuff you did as a child, but also some stuff from your former relationship.

And you found that you would miss talking to Spock if he found out that you could never be his partner.  
But it was that revelation that made your decision.

„I trust you to keep whatever you see to yourself, even if you might find something distasteful“, you began. „But … I would really want to know if I‘m not the right one for you, before I find myself falling for you. I‘m not exactly into heartache, you know?” 

“You assume that you will develop positive emotions towards me?” Spock still looked as calm as ever.

You rolled your eyes. Not because Spock asked for information, but because his phrasing once again sounded as if he believed himself unable to be loved. Which was frankly nonsense, given the way, nurse Chapel always looked at him. Was he just blind or did he think that low of himself? “First of all I already said I like you. I have already developed positive although platonic emotions towards you. And second … Well, you are good looking. You can make me laugh which is much more than I would’ve expected. So the odds for me falling in love with you are at least above zero.” 

Spock took his glass of water and drank, afterwards staring pensively into the clear liquid.

“Disappointed that we can’t falsify the algorithm yet?”, you asked cautiously. You didn’t want to give away that you might just feel a bit disappointed if he was disappointed.

He looked up and into your eyes. “No. But I would like to meditate. Are you willing to meet me in my quarters after duty tomorrow? I would like to engage in a light mind meld.”

You nodded before the words even reached your brain. Even when his fingertips lightly brushed yours, you were unable to compute. You might have smiled for all you knew, but you couldn’t really tell, because your brain only kicked in, when Spock was already gone. And even then it had a hard time figuring out what to think.

He wanted to meld with you. So he either wanted to end the survey as soon as possible, or he wanted to know as soon as possible if there was hope? Or did he just agree to spare your feelings as much as he could? Which of the reasons did you like the best? And didn’t he touch you? In public? Well, nobody was here right now, sure, but the hydroponics still were a public place where people could enter any second - though most of the time it was just Sulu taking care of that thing that always strangely reminded you of Audrey in the little shop of horrors. Still. He touched you. Skin on skin. After telling you that you were not supposed to do anything like that.

Damn, that Vulcan was about to give you one major headache with this behaviour of his. And still you went to bed looking forward to the next evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is getting a lot longer than I planned. And I had to add a little backstory to the reader. I hope you don't mind. (Usually I don't like giving the reader too much context, so that more people can identify with him/her.)


	3. Chickens and mind melds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a miserable day you think about chickening out of your date with Spock. You had no idea that he would take this as a reason to worry about you and comfort you.

The day went by slowly and it was rather awful. One of your experiments went wrong, resulting in a plant from Venimus 3 biting your finger. It had no teeth, but its jaws were strong and heavy, so that your finger turned blue and hurt, even after Doctor McCoy gave you a painkiller.

Reporting that to Spock made you feel like a living failure, through it wasn’t your fault. Timothy reproduced your experiment with the same result, lightly joking about founding a blue finger club. Still you felt stupid, getting yourself hurt in the save environment of a lab. To you that was as stupid as getting hurt while you were in a pillow fort on your bed, surrounded by nothing harder or more dangerous than fluffy pillows and blankets.

So in the end you really didn’t feel like going to Spock‘s quarters in the evening. You already felt humiliated enough for one day. And as much as you liked him, you did not want to see him walk through your more embarrassing memories right now.

You took out your PADD. Comming him via the ships comm system would have been an option, but you didn’t trust your voice when cancelling on him. Even the thought of it made you feel like your brain was freezing up. So texting him it was.

You: Hey Spock. I‘m sorry but I have to bail on you tonight. It just … it wasn’t a good day. 

With that you switched off your PADD. You felt like a chicken.

A hungry chicken, but you didn’t dare to go to the mess hall. If you ran into Spock on your way, you would never be able to look in the mirror ever again.

So you decided to just go to bed. It was way too early to sleep, but wallowing in self-pity sounded like a tempting alternative, so wallowing it was.

You lost track of time, but it wasn’t too long until your door chimed.

„Whoever you are, go away“, you shouted, not wanting to see anyone.

But the door opened nonetheless.

„Breaking in is not a sign of good manners“, you said.

„As I have used the emergency code, I did not break in“, Spock said, stepping in slowly. „As you were unwilling to answer, I figured you would be feeling unwell. Right now I assume I hold the position of your boyfriend, therefore it is my duty“, he paused, then added: „And my wish to provide you with anything beneficial to enhance your well-being.“

You could not help but smile.

„Are you ill? Has the plant bite released substances deteriorating your health?“

„Nah, I just … look, actually I … please don’t take it the wrong way. I just didn’t wish to … see you tonight. Not because I don’t like you“, you added, holding up your hand in what you hoped would be a gesture able to stop him from taking it personally, though perhaps it just looked as if you were petting the air.

„I just felt stupid. Okay, and my finger actually hurts pretty badly, but mainly I just … didn’t want to humiliate myself further today. And you being in my mind … On a good day I wouldn’t care, but today was bad enough as it is.“

Spock looked at you pensively, then nodded. „If I were to say that I understand, I would be lying, as I do not find your accident humiliating in any way. And furthermore I would never judge you because of what I am to see in your mind. But I do accept that you felt bad about the day and not me as a person. Would you wish me to leave?“

You shook your head. „You’re already here and … pretty good at soothing, to be honest.”

Spock arched a brow. “So you wish for me to stay?”

“Only, if you don’t have something better to do, of course. But yeah, I would like that. Just … could you turn around for a sec? I’m already in my PJs and I guess I should slip into something a little … well, less comfortable to be honest, but more suiting for having a guest.”

Okay, that was a little awkward. Not that your pyjamas were revealing too much skin or something. And surely he wasn’t always dressed in his uniform either. But still you felt a little silly wearing something as informal when he was around.

“I do not mind you wearing your sleeping clothes”, he said, confirming your suspicion. “But I will turn nonetheless.”

“Thank you.” In less than a minute you had changed into your uniform, stepping up to him.

He simply looked at you, then his gaze fell onto your finger that still looked pretty blue. “May I?”, he asked and did not wait for an answer before he carefully lifted your hand to inspect it. His fingertips ghosted over your skin, inhumanly warm. “Did the plant break the bone?”

You shook your head. “Just a rather intense bruise. Still, the painkillers won’t work properly.”

“I might be able to help you. But I would need to meld with you to block out the pain.” 

“Thanks, but … no. I mean, I don’t mind melding. If you truly won’t think less of me afterwards? But … I don’t know. You blocking my pain seems like cheating nature. Not that I’m much into something like that. I don’t mind technological or medical development. But getting rid of pain just like this? I think we humans need pain to get us to learn to be more cautious. And … there’s an old saying that without the shadows you would not notice the light, meaning, that you sometimes need pain and bad times to be able to value the good moments.” 

Spock nodded. “Agreed. And I would very much prefer you being cautious. I both need you as an capable officer and as …” He stopped.

“Yeah, I don’t have a label for it either. I don’t think I could go back to just seeing you as my boss. So … let’s say, friend? If you’d have me, I would like being your friend if we two won’t work out as lovers.”

Finally he let go of your hand and you already missed his warmth. “I … would like that”, he admitted, but averted your gaze.

As he usually was a rather direct man this worried you. “Did I say anything wrong?” 

“I simply found myself … wishing that a mind meld would confirm us to be compatible. And that …”

You bit your lip and smiled. You raised the uninjured hand to his cheek, but paused when you remembered his aversion against touching. “I would like that, too. I mean, there’s way more to love than just … thinking that you are gorgeous and you making me laugh and … you caring about me being ill. But when I said you and me would be strange, those were the things I thought I would be missing.“ You didn’t really have the right words for telling him what you were thinking. But you stopped picturing a Vulcan to be unable to be a good boyfriend for a human like you.

„Indeed, there is.“ A sentence that could mean everything and nothing. „(Y/N), would you please meld with me? Tonight?“

You hinted towards the bed. „Best be sitting down for it, right? There are rumors that melds with Vulcans can be pretty intense.“

When you were sitting next to each other, he raised his hand towards your face, resting his fingers as it would seem on very particular points of it. His brown eyes never leaving yours. „My mind to your mind“, he started and the rest was lost to you when you found yourself falling. Or flying? It was too much and not enough at the same time. You could not really grasp a single picture or thought that was passing you by, but you felt engulfed by protecting warmth.

And then it was over. While you were panting, Spock looked as composed as usual. He seemed to be deep in thought.

„Still not thinking less of me?“, you asked quietly when he still hadn’t looked at you two minutes later.

He looked up and shook his head, but said nothing.

You frowned and felt your heart sinking. „Oh. Well. It’s okay, you can tell me when I‘m not the right one. It was an survey, nothing more and … I‘ll survive. You won’t hurt me.“

Now Spock looked up. „I am unable to confirm that you are the right person for me, or even something as mythological as a true love. But your mind does not reject mine. In fact, the meld was quite pleasurable.“

„You’re not exactly bursting with happiness, not even for a Vulcan.“ You didn’t know why you were prodding so badly, but you just wanted him to tell you if he didn’t want to continue your experiment - or your relationship. It was his right not to want you, and nothing to be ashamed of. You just wanted to know. When he was sure, that is.

„I am merely overwhelmed. Your mind is rather vivid. And I admit I had expected that you would not be compatible. The chances that a psi-null being such as you is able to be a fitting bond mate are low. But do not misinterpret my reaction as disappointment.“

„So … we’re still on?“

„On? What are we on? At the moment we are on your bed.“

You chuckled. „I meant you don’t want to end it right here right now? And we’re still … dating?“

„I will continue to court you“, he agreed. Once again his fingertips brushed yours. On purpose, you figured.

„What is the meaning of … the finger thing?“ It wasn’t as if humans didn’t do something like that as well, but where a human would have taken your hand into his if you didn’t pull back, Spock did nothing of the sort.

„While we have to use our hands for work as well, they also are capable of a gesture that you could call a Vulcan kiss.“

„You kissed me?“

„I initiated a contact that is too intimate to be appropriate in public. But I would rather compare it to a kiss on the cheek.“ He took your uninjured hand and slid his forefinger and middle finger along yours. „This would be the equivalent to a full human kiss.“

You had closed your eyes and let the feeling wash over you. It didn’t feel that much different than if you had touched yourself that way. The only difference was a feeling or rather knowledge in the back of your mind. You just knew, beyond the conscious level, the intimacy Spock wanted to express with this gesture. It felt like there was a minuscule mind meld quality to the touch.

You opened your eyes when he withdrew. Fighting down the urge to catch his hand and pull it back to yours was harder than you ever thought possible. But you managed and just smiled at him.

The silence that followed, should have been awkward. But instead it felt comfortable, you looking into each other’s eyes, slowly closing the gap between you two.

When your lips were mere millimeters away from Spock’s, your stomach startled you both with its deep growl. You blushed. „Sorry. I haven’t eaten anything since lunch break. I … didn’t want to run into you, so that you would not think I cancelled on you just to have dinner with others.“

He arched a brow and you chuckled. „I’m an idiot, I know. But at least I‘m an idiot that didn’t want to hurt your feelings, so … maybe that‘ll earn me some points?“

He did not smirk. Or smile. But his the expression in his eyes changed into something I would have called amusement. „I did prepare a meal for our … date. If you would care to join me in my quarters?“

You nodded.

Both of you stood up, but before you reached the door, you hesitated.

„Is something wrong“, Spock asked.

„Just thinking about the no touching in public rule“, you murmured and caught his hand, pulling him to you. This time you kissed him. Just quickly, but a kiss nonetheless.

„I wasn’t sure I‘d survive the way to your quarters otherwise“, you grinned.

Spock simply nodded and gestures towards the door.

You smiled to yourself. If you two really were a match made … well, by a really good, functioning algorithm, you wouldn’t know that soon. It took time to fall in love and to navigate past the first six to eight months that were, basically, just a psychological malfunction, according to science. It would take long to see if you could stand each other long term. But right now you could not think of anyone you’d rather spend your life with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if that was not you usual romance-ish fanfic. I just hate it when love is rushed. (Especially since the first six to eight months REALLY are just an anomaly that in a brain scan lights up the same was as a psychosis does.) And I tried to stay true to Spock's character. Rushing into love when he's not suffering from Pon Farr just seems so strange for a composed Vulcan. 
> 
> Anyway, that's it. I'm thinking about writing an epilogue with the established couple, but I'm not sure if I'm a good writer of old (married) couple banter and fluff. So ... I don't promise anything. 
> 
> Until maybe then, bye and thank you for reading. 
> 
> (And if you find any mistakes, DO tell! Writers feed of constructive criticism!)


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